Sometimes I wonder how often in my adult life I have ever lived in the present: the here and now. As I am constantly scrutinizing if I have done everything correctly I spend half of my awake time in the past. The other half-so it seems to me is to ponder about the future: The time that is not yet there. I constantly feel that I don’t have enough time to do the things dear to me. On the other hand I spend nearly all of my time the two worlds that lead away from life: the past and the future. In future land everything is possible and yet there is my anxiety that my life will change, friends will change and people dear to me will die. I also, will eventually die one day. And even though our advertising world advertises the young and fears the symptoms of old age I know for my part how miserable I often felt in my teens and twens. Young age didn’t help me to become happy also because I didn’t know myself and I didn’t know what was important for me in life. When people criticized me I often thought they were right. Until the point where I thought, this may as well be their personal problem for I have worked on my problems and know them well enough by now :). It makes me sad to think, that only in times of a health crisis I knew what was important and what I had to do. As if I could only live the present when death and horror knock on my door. Maybe that is also the only time when I appreciate what I might lose. Maybe it is like with friends that move away: You feel the intensity of the relationship only when the other one is no longer available. On the other days-sadly-I took the good things of my life for granted and rattled on about everything else. That way I could not really enjoy the moment. But the moment is the only time where I can live life fully. Everything else separates me from it: When my friends tell me something and I already think about the chores I have to do next. When I have accomplished something I dreamt of and I just think about which steps to take in my future projects. So maybe it is time to make a vow: That at least once a day I try to feel the moment-even if that means that I might feel sad, empty or lonely.

These are the thoughts I wanted to share with you, dear reader.

Renate Weber


Written by Renate Weber