I am a werewolf. At least I feel that way. I sometimes feel as if I had three eyes instead of the normal two. Every detaile is scanned, from the old chewing gum on the pavement to the Expression on people’s faces. While I am walking around I think about yesterday and I plan for the day after tomorrow. It seems that I get lost between my thoughts and the surroundings I observe. If I walk through the crowd I can’t feel myself anymore: I am like a vessel that is filled with the emotions I sense around myself. It is as if I could really “turn into” the other person in front of me. If I am on a burial I feel not only my grief but the collective grief that freezes my soul. If I am around happy people I become more relaxed myself. And then there is the point where I feel my vessel is overflowing with outside influences or stimuli. I become aggressive because I can neither stop these influences nor ignore them-like most people simply do. It is during these moments that I feel my being different than the majority. Just like the werewolf. And like a wounded animal I retreat back to my “cave”. And everything I have just experiences echoes through my body. When I close my eyes it is as if everything is “played back” at me on a gigantic screen. And very often sleep comes and takes me with it. Like the werewolf I turn from human into a beast that fears the bright daylight. I remain in my hiding place until at some unexpected moment I feel that I am empty enough to return into the world of humans. But during my “dreams” I live in two worlds at the same time: The world of humans where I do my daily chores and the world of wolves where I transform and process information. It is only that way that I can stand “going into the noisy world” everyday again. The phenomenon I suffer from is called highsensitivity. I don’t know the reason why this phenomenon exists. Why are 20% of humankind born with a “skin way too thin”? In a world that gets more noisy day by day wouldn’t it be more beneficial for survival if everybody had a “thick skin”? The only thing I do know is that my inner “world of wolves” is lively and of bright colors. It is like an ocean I can dive in while people around me go to parties or events. Also it can be quite a lonely place for there are no (other) people who are like me. And maybe that is the reason why I often feel closer to animals than to humans. What I am lacking is a “second skin”. A cloak that protects me when I am “out in the world” from all the unnecessary information I absorb like a vacuum cleaner. It is my aim to “be at home” in my body even when I am among lots of people. Therefore I have to find the “stop” button that keeps me from absorbing everything and everyone. That is why I need that cloak so urgently. Because even a werewolf can be hurt at times. The wolf has a plastic snow globe in his paws. This is to remind me that after difficult times there are also good times to come. These are the thoughts I wanted to share with you, dear reader.
Leave a Comment