Free dog

Why do I have a dog? I don’t know. The only thing I do know is that I don’t feel so alone anymore. Since I have got my dog, I have the feeling that this puppy leads me from self-isolation “back into the world”. When he wonders about a flower or how to catch a butterfly I feel as if I am discovering the world for a second time. I lost a child, and even though no being can be replaced by another being I am grateful that I have allowed this dog to come into my life. It also gives me a new focus: Where the “old Renate” was afraid of crowds and depressed by seeing “happy families” spending time in nature the “new dog mother” is looking for her “offspring”: That he doesn’t chew up something dangerous, that he is not afraid of bikes, lawn-mowers or joggers. The more time I spend with him, the more we bond. And the more I feel this “anchor” in my small world the less I am frustrated if friends cease to be friends. As puppies don’t have a sense of “time” I am about to stay in the present which is the only time where I can find healing. I am still sad about the turmoils of the past and worried that worse is to come in the future. But I spend less time in those two “unreachable” times. I don’t say that a dog is the solution for everyone suffering from trauma and depression. I only say that it has been my solution for thinking less destructive thoughts and turning all the suppressed anger of my life against myself. My dog “forces” me to get up at 6 o’clock to go for a walk, take a swim in the river. The first half an hour I am still grumpy thinking of my warm bed. When I have done my swimming and see my dog with joy running around the “beach” I feel blessed with life. My day can start now and I know that 6 hours later I will be “out with my dog” again. There is still time for a quiet hour at home, but it is more fruitful than the long hours I spent in bed “hiding from the facts of the world” for years. I can feel more energy in my veins and it is as if the loyal affection of this dog helps healing old wounds and keeps me from comparing myself to others. These are the thoughts I wanted to share with you, dear reader.

Renate Weber

Written by Renate Weber