To reach the actual state of forgiveness will probably remain a lifelong process for me. Maybe there exists such a state as “partial forgiveness”. To understand that the perpetrators or “aggressors” have in one way or another been victims themselves does not necessarily help to “mend” everything. It needs an enormous amount of emotional energy to let go all the hurt, anger and confusion. This way of healing can demand of us a lot: It may include to look (in our imagination) into the aggressor’s eye. In the best case with a sad smile accompanied by a new understanding or even forgiveness. This may happen to put aside past experiences in a way that enables us to lead a new life with a new, free self.

As the trauma of being powerless and excluded has repeated itsself in similar ways it may be my task to see today’s aggressors under a new light: To realize that behind all viciousness and derogatory behaviour there is a victim. And it seems that this victim has once chosen the negative, aggressive and mean path. It makes me believe that controlling other people and derogatory behaviour are the only way for the aggressor not to have to look at his younger self that was in need of  emotional support there and then. And maybe this is the point where I am similar to the aggressor. It was in vain that I tried to hide those hurt parts away. But then, after having realized that the pain only “moved within my whole body” I chose to try a different way. This way was very painful at last it was a path that led me to myself and to everything I can or could be. I don’t believe I can forgive “just like this”, without feeling the hurt again and the deep sadness that lies beneath it.  For my part I could “forgive” only by my mind, because I was afraid to express those feelings, in fear they would never end. The psychologist Enright describes “Anger, hate, bitterness and hurt” as the “four walls of a prisoncell” that the victim is  surround by. “Forgiveness is the key to open this prisoncell“.

High Sensitive Persons (=HSP) are often referred to as such because they are aware of their fellow people’s feelings. This “gift” can include the ability to “see behind people’s masks” but also futuristic prophecies (for example about a lost aircraft in the depths of the Amazonas which has been found due to such a “prophecy”). It is a fact that a HSP’s brain’s network differs from a Non-HSP brain. Therefore highsensitivity is seen as a genetic disposition to have a wide-ranged perception of feelings, atmospheres and noises. Scientists found out that approximately 20 % of mankind possess the brain of a HSP. It is believed that especially in the “old days” HSPs were needed to warn their tribe about forthcoming dangers. They often incorporated the “professions” of healers or counselors of the chief/king.

This sixth sense of the HSP can be a curse and a blessing at the same time. A curse because the HSP can’t control or stop it. A blessing because it offers a deep insight into one’s one soul and into the soul of your fellow mates. It also has its drawbacks: The HSP often overestimates the depths of the relationships it has with other people. This is due to the fact that the others often don’t correspond to the HSP’s deep and wide range of feelings. HSP often withdraw early  from crowds and parties because they need time to process the abundance of information they have perceived. To other people this may seem as a rejection of their company and therefore they often mistake a HSP for a “loner”. The real cause for being so frequently withdrawn lies in the overstimulations the HSP already sufferes from when his fellow mates are still “bored”. This overstimulation makes it hard for the HSP to be true to his word and keep his appointments at night for to have “an early night” is one way for the HSP to recover from the daily impressions and inner pictures.  Due to these colourful  inner pictures HSP are often very creative. Nearly effortlessly they are bound to express themselves in word, deed and pictures.  In some cases HSP overlapps with the so-called “high intelligence”. One reason why HSP need more time to process their impressions is that they think globally and always in a greater context. If in their daily life the HSP “stop” to take their “time out” they are as a consequence more prone to Burnout and depression.

HSP act intuitively and this also happens when it comes to reading the Manual of machines. In contrast to the USA and Switzerland the topic of highsensitivity has gained a certain interest only in  recent years. As a consequence many people don’t know that they are HSP but think of themselves as being weird. Since childhood they have noted that they are somehow “different” to others of their peer group. Parents’ remarques of this weirdness has led them to come to the conclusion of not only being “weird” but totally wrong in their behavior. Thus for many it is a relief to learn that they are only different because they are high sensitive and their brain functions differently. This realization enables them to look after themselves fairly better without judging themselves for being different. As the author is a HSP herself she wants to share this relief with other HSP and their relatives.

How do we use magical thinking to treat Burnout, depression and traumas?

Magical thinking is one ability of children to overstep all natural laws by using the power of their fantasy. Imagining fantastical beings such as elves, trolls and whitches belongs to magical thinking as well as the belief to possess magical powers. The ability to “think magically” is most apparent when you look at children in preschool. Sadly enough the ability of magical thinking is often surpressed when parents listen to their young kids talking of elves and talking to trees. Very often the parents, in fear of their child “being crazy”, talk them out of “stupid fantasizing” or even take them to a psychologist.  But even if rational parents don’t intefere with their children’s ability to summon the power of their fantasy, the children lose it when the reach puberty. Most of them can’t remember this “phenomenon” once they become adults. Traumatherapy now uses magical thinking to support patients in difficult situations. The patient is to imagine a power animal or imaginary helper that (due to his original trauma) keeps him from freezing under difficult circumstances. In her book “Imagination as a source of healing”  trauma expert Luise Reddemann provides more Information on how the magical thinking of children can be useful for trauma patients; thus how the trauma can be finally integrated into the patient’s life.

In contrast to rape, sexual abuse takes place within the family or social environment of the victim. Sexual abuse happens in all “social classes”. As the offender remains in the immediate environment of the victim and also inhabits positive roles in the victim’s life, sexual abuse is often more difficult to “mend” than rape. The perpetrator who commits a rape mainly comes from “outside”, is unknown to the victim and leaves its environment immediately after the rape. In the victims’ life he plays an “exclusively negative role” and as he comes from “outside” the victim often receives more moral support from her family and from society itsself.

The crime is detectable immeadiatly after the rape by medical screenings. Whereas sexual abuse doesn’t necessarily leave any traces on the victim’s body. Also, als the perpetrator comes from within the family or social environment of the victim it has no clear ending. What is similar to rape is that in both cases the crime is not committed for sex only (except when the perpetrator is a pedophile) but for power. As with sexual abuse and in order to “survive” in the family, the victim identifies with the perpetrator. As a consequence s/he feels utterly responsible for the abuse and incorporates all feelings of shame and guilt the perpetrator must have had at the beginning. During the sexual abuse an undermining of the victim’s self and body    takes places. Consequently the victim is deeply convinced to have less human rights than other people. That is why it doesn’t seek help. As with a rape the perpetrators choose their victims carefully. In families with several kids more than ever the child is chosen that happens to receive barely any emotional support and is also too shy to communicate its feelings. To the offender these characteristics ensure that the victim won’t trust in its own feelings and therefore won’t seek help or leave the situation. Several researches have shown that victims of rapists have been observed by them long before the actual crime. This can happen for example during a bus ride where the perpetrator “tests” the “victim to be” by moving next to it and coming too close to it.

In contrast to a rape, the memory of sexual abuse is often suppressed by the victim and the personality parts that have been hurt are cut off from the rest of the inner self. Very often the original trauma surfaces when the person experiences another trauma. This can also happen during a burnout when the person realizes that s/he has been abused and then has to realize the consequences of the initial abuse in his/her actual life. This happens step by step as the victim can’t remember the sexual abuse nor the feelings of shame, guilt and powerlessness connected to it. Statistics show that 6 % of all children (girls and boys) have been sexually abused. It is evident, that by suppressing the memories of the abuse and the lack of report to the authorities the number of children suffering from sexual abuse must be significantly higher.