When I go into nature I feel connected to the world and to myself. Especially during Christmas and Easter I feel lonely because my original Family is no longer a “secure home” for me. That is when I go and feel happy if I see some animals. Thereby I get the Feeling of “being still in the world” and of “belonging to the world”. Thank you!

There is one part inside of me I call Manny, the mole. Especially at Christmas but also at other difficult times he is longing to be close to People. Unfortunately he then turns to People who don’t want to/ or can’t be close to him. I try to console him, so that he stops hurting himself by running after those “butterflies” he is never going to get.

It seemed that the mole Manny got some help. Because it was right then that I discovered him: the tree troll Wurzek. This little rebell symbolizes my healthy parts that haven’t been damaged/hurt in the past. It is very important to see that they exist as well.

As you can see I have many inner parts (or inner children). When the Trauma hit me they were all separated from one another. So in real life very often one part tried to take over control which often caused irritations among my fellow men. In this Picture you can see how Nati takes the hand of the troll. Both are more self -confident now and eager to explore the river. This scene symbolizes the integration of inner parts.

Along with my younger self Nati, who always adjusted to situations and people, there is also a rebellious part (at the right with a chopper and the cheeky octopus Kai). As with real children all those parts want to be seen. It is now up to me, the grown-up Renate, to decide when I give in to which part (The speech bubble says: I see you and I choose what to do). Very often it is good to negotiate a compromise :).

Eventually I noticed that there was still something burdening me: IT WAS MY OWN NAME: Renate. It had also been the name of my aunt Renate. She was 11 years old when she died of typhus in Eastern Germany which at that time was occupied by the Russians. She died alone in an overcrowded Hospital. My mother, desperate about the loss of her sister, decided at that time to name her own child Renate. She knew that the name Renate meant “to be reborn”.

Since I have drawn and created a good place in heaven for my aunt, together with all the other lost children, including my own miscarriage, I feel less burdened. It seems that I have become a “Renate” who has liberated herself from the burdens of the past.

The freedom woman (or feather woman) stands for the adult Renate. She has freed herself from guilt, shame and old thinking habits. The golden feather and her open sexuality symbolize an inner freedom and peace. She has wings and blue fins. For she needs the fins to swim in a place where she feels connected: The ocean.

Finally I come to what I can give to the world as a gift:

my Fantasy, my sense of humor and my perception.

Thank you for your attention!

Renate Weber

You can visit Fulna on You Tube at “Fulna Renate Renate”

Fulna is one of my healing fairy tales. While writing it I could heal myself. Now Fulna can also encourage others. I often feel like Fulna when I find myself in difficult situations. The dragon is shot at twice. When I was a teenager I often felt out of place. Somehow I knew that „there was something wrong“ with me and very often I just wanted to disappear out of shame. I have been sexually abused as a young girl. That is why I made this video: To free myself, to spread my wings and to encourage others. However, the first thing to do if you find out that you have been abused is to seek professional help at an organization. Here they have self-help groups and can also give you advice how to deal with these “old feelings” in the present. I have been to a psychosomatic clinic twice and it was there that I found my way back to my true self: By drawing, by writing and by connecting in nourishing relationships. To share my experiences I created my homepage www.wiedergeborene.de and I wrote the healing fairy tale FULNA. Fulna has helped me to regain my inner strengths and my sense of humor. She stands for power and the joy of living, that lies behind all those scars most of us have. Five years ago my life had gone to bits and pieces. I wanted to know why it all happened. So I wrote down my history and the history of my family. But the constant writing imprisoned me in the old trauma again. I couldn’t sleep and my past seemed to encircle me. It therefore became the present. Soon I seeked help in a psychosomatic clinic. My diagnosis was: Burnout. Here I learned to deal with my inner “shadowy parts”. Kai the octopus is such an inner part that haunted me in recurring nightmares. First I resented him but then I gave him more loving attention and he changed from an aggressive monster into a great pal. Thus I described in my autobiography how I dealt with my inner parts in the clinic. I continued to write Fulna’s story as an adult dragon. Hence I entwined her story (the healing fairy tale) with my autobiography so I could heal myself. The autobiographic healing novel “Renate or the journey to the centre of the Self” was born. My positive development and the possibility to free oneself from old anxieties and unhealthy relationships is what I want to bring across with this Fulna video. And even if it is hard to continue finding your own path, I think it is worth it. Have a safe trip! Renate Weber

Dear readers,

You can experience the story of my healing process live. I will have my exposition on May 6th at six pm in the Bergerstraße 200 in Frankfurt am Main. The paintings will tell my story. I would be very happy to welcome you. Here comes the link to Fulna, the healing faire tale, that helped me to regain my inner strengths and humor:

Get to know Fulna. Here comes the reading extract!

Greetings

Renate Weber