When I go into nature I feel connected to the world and to myself. Especially during Christmas and Easter I feel lonely because my original Family is no longer a “secure home” for me. That is when I go and feel happy if I see some animals. Thereby I get the Feeling of “being still in the world” and of “belonging to the world”. Thank you!
There is one part inside of me I call Manny, the mole. Especially at Christmas but also at other difficult times he is longing to be close to People. Unfortunately he then turns to People who don’t want to/ or can’t be close to him. I try to console him, so that he stops hurting himself by running after those “butterflies” he is never going to get.
It seemed that the mole Manny got some help. Because it was right then that I discovered him: the tree troll Wurzek. This little rebell symbolizes my healthy parts that haven’t been damaged/hurt in the past. It is very important to see that they exist as well.
As you can see I have many inner parts (or inner children). When the Trauma hit me they were all separated from one another. So in real life very often one part tried to take over control which often caused irritations among my fellow men. In this Picture you can see how Nati takes the hand of the troll. Both are more self -confident now and eager to explore the river. This scene symbolizes the integration of inner parts.
Along with my younger self Nati, who always adjusted to situations and people, there is also a rebellious part (at the right with a chopper and the cheeky octopus Kai). As with real children all those parts want to be seen. It is now up to me, the grown-up Renate, to decide when I give in to which part (The speech bubble says: I see you and I choose what to do). Very often it is good to negotiate a compromise :).
Eventually I noticed that there was still something burdening me: IT WAS MY OWN NAME: Renate. It had also been the name of my aunt Renate. She was 11 years old when she died of typhus in Eastern Germany which at that time was occupied by the Russians. She died alone in an overcrowded Hospital. My mother, desperate about the loss of her sister, decided at that time to name her own child Renate. She knew that the name Renate meant “to be reborn”.
Since I have drawn and created a good place in heaven for my aunt, together with all the other lost children, including my own miscarriage, I feel less burdened. It seems that I have become a “Renate” who has liberated herself from the burdens of the past.
The freedom woman (or feather woman) stands for the adult Renate. She has freed herself from guilt, shame and old thinking habits. The golden feather and her open sexuality symbolize an inner freedom and peace. She has wings and blue fins. For she needs the fins to swim in a place where she feels connected: The ocean.
