5 years ago I was diagnosed with Burnout and sent to a psychosomatic clinic: Here it became clear that it had not only been the overload that had caused my break-down, but various Traumata. Until then I had written down my family’s history and my own childhood. Thereby the sexual abuse I had endured as a little girl “came to the surface”. Since I had started to write About my childhood I was constantly haunted by nightmares. My therapists then advised me to write a healing fairy tale.
I realized that my low self-esteem together with my constant feelings of shame and guilt had made me a target for others to let out their anger. Only if I could be “a good mother” to my inner parts and learn to love myself as I was the constant “attacks” from outside would stop.
The more I was in touch with my inner parts, the more I could withdraw from unhealthy relationships. When I visted my family I stayed only for a few hours, so I could regain my inner balance afterwards. By saying goodbye to “sick” relationships I could find more and more fulfillment in my life together with satisfaction. My healing fairy tales, my friends, my pets and my stays in the bouddhist monastery helped me to “stay on my path”.
After this misleading harmony the sexual abuse takes place. There I did not only lose the trust in my family but also the trust in myself.
Anuschka the fawn symbolizes the hurt inner aspect in me that has remained in shock-induced paralysis since having suffered sexual violence. Now-two decades later I could regain inner peace when Anuschka was saved by Fulna. After this salvation even my nightmares decreased.
Anuschka is saved by Fulna and she brings her into the desert of the lost souls. Here lie all the souls that have been separated from their owners by a terrible incident. Anuschka’s soul is also here in the desert.
