I have no patience. Not at all. When I am exhausted and over-stimulated, I don’t want to do anything at all. I try to get some sleep in my dark bedroom. I try to shut the world out, with its noises, lights and smoke.  Everything else seems to be nerve consuming.  As soon as my forces come back to me, I want to do everything at once. The sooner the better.  It is, as if I try to “make up” for my time “hiding from the world”. And that is what I wanted to talk about: Trying to do too many things at once. As if there would be “an end” to all the workchores if I just did some of them in record time. But what is the use? These thoughts came to me, when I stood in the kitchen watching the floor. It was covered with all the pieces where my cereal bowl had just fallen down. And while I kept collecting the big pieces hurting my skin on them I wondered: Why do I have to do everything as if I was on a run? Being pushed constantly when there was no one except for myself to push me. I pushed my dog out of the kitchen so it wouldn’t be hurt by the small pieces of glass. When I started vacuum cleaning the kitchen I thought that this was far much more work then if I had left the cleaning of the dishes for the evening. And I began to ask myself, if it was really worth the trouble to be always “quick”: on the road, in the queue while buying groceries, at the doctor’s, at the vet’s? Of course it was nice to be home early, having accomplished my tasks. And I knew I did them so fast, because I knew there were days when I wouldn’t come round to do them. But, and this is my key question: Didn’t it turn my life into a hectic mess. And what would happen, if had an accident in my constant avail to be fast. When I finished vacuum cleaning I realized that it would be healthier and more enjoyable to avoid accomplishing all things at once at all cost. I wonder if I will really let go of that habit or continue “rushing through my life”.

These are the thoughts I wanted to share with you, dear readers.

Renate Weber